Questions Without Answers

I know I am not as usual today. I did not write for quite a long time and perhaps that affected my mind slightly. However, I don't think I'll write about anything now.. Unless if I'm writing about myself, which I finally discovered!

Warning: today's post doesn't belong to my writings.. It's long, and perhaps harsh, and somewhat incoherent.. This is very natural when we consider it as a part of me and my thoughts, which was created in my mind from the beginning!

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 I have always been inspired by dreams, so, I drew them, decorated them, and became attached to them.

I even thought that my life is a big, fancy dream!
My life and my dreams... How stupid was I! What do I know about myself, anyway?

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I always wonder about my life - About my childhood, my abilities, my goals, and, of course, my dreams. I keep evaluating my thoughts, or correcting my habits.. But my brain just freezes at the same point, and my intelligence doesn't help, either.  

Why do I have to choose one goal, and devote my abilities to it? 

Why is it wrong to have many goals? 

What is wrong with me being ambitious, and passionate about perfection?

 I want to achieve every dream.. Does that imply a contradiction in my personality? Or a weakness in my faith? They ask me to set one target, so that I can get the best of my abilities.. They did not know that they ARE breaking all that I have! After all, who are they to decide my future and what's suitable for me?!I know myself better than they do!

"Your major will stick to you until the end of life" - Sura (roughly translated) 

My dear.. You put all of my feelings in this sentence! My life starts to fade before my eyes, no matter how hard I try to hold it. The reason is out of my control, and they simply justify that by saying: "it is your fate".. I hate this feeling! 

It's NOT the first time, but I hope it's the last.. 

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"Preparatory year students can now state their wishes for what they would like to major in ..." (roughly translated) 

Excuse me, what wishes are you referring to? Our wishes which you neglect? Or YOUR wishes which you're trying to convince yourself they are ours? 

".. We respect your sensibility..." (roughly translated) 

Really? Is this the definition of respect in your dictionaries? 

Contradiction, contradiction, contradiction... 

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After hours of thinking, I hope I've come to a decision.. There is only one of "me", which is the same that I know. I knew myself since I was in primary school, and I did not mistake when I drew my dream back then.. They have already mistaken when they once thought I was shy and doubtful, so I destroyed their claim before I even graduate from primary school.. Can't they be mistaken, this time as well?!

 There is only one solution..

((I will never give up my dream))

I don't mind if I had to do the impossible since it doesn't exist from the beginning! One way or another, as God created me with more than a dream in my heart, it is my duty to achieve them all.. Just as I lived twelve years having more than a dream, I will bring my life to life by accomplishing all of them, God's willing.. 

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Thanks to God, thinking about my dreams has come to an end!